Friday, December 28, 2007

A letter to my son...

Dear Chase,

Something about this week has drawn me to tell you so many things. I could say these things to you now, but I want to get them in print so I can remember every detail. Part of me also knows that you will look at me while I'm talking, smile, and ask..."Can I go play now?"

This has been such an awesome week. I have loved being home with you during your Christmas break. I love how you are my best friend. How we stay in our pj's way too long, stay up way too late, and sleep in hours passed our normal wake up time. Our conversations amaze me sometimes. It's during them when I'm reminded of how 'grown up' you are. I love hearing your theories behind why things happen and I absolutely adore how genuine you are. I have also learned to accept your social shyness as part of your personality, and I love you for it. I love that you still hug and kiss me no matter what, and I'm so nervous for the day when I get "Mommm, stop it!"

I love how your eyebrows raise when you are talking about something you like, or have a good idea. You are so smart and so sweet and sometimes I think my pride for you is going to explode out of me. I love the your little 5 year old lisp that happens when you say certain words. And your laugh...your laugh can make me smile even on my worst days. While I don't see myself in you physically, I see my sensitivity and dance moves in you daily. I love how music makes you move and how we sing songs in the car together (but only when it's me and you!). I love sneaking into your room after you fall asleep and putting my face as close to yours as possible, rubbing our noses together and kissing you goodnight one last time. Some days I can't wait to see the person you are going to be at 10...15...25. Other days I just want to stop time and keep my baby in my arms.

I hate how everything seems to fly by during 'real life'. School and homework and running around and before you know it months have passed by. It's been so nice to slow down this week. I am so proud of you and I am so happy that we've been able to spend our Christmas break together.

I love you,

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Santa's off to a good start!

I got a great present for Christmas this year! A new Nikon D40! I got it a few days early so I could capture all the great Christmas moments over the next few days. I LOVE it. I'm trying to read the manual and really get to know the settings so this camera really lives up to it's potential. (and it's price tag!)

In other recent news, I found some Christmas spirit! Several different things contributed to my new attitude. First of mother started dating! Gasp!! Now I'll be the first person to say that the idea of her and another man 'hanging out' is just plain weird. But, it did give us kids something to rally together for. We sort of got used to avoiding each other's lives, so the hot new couple in town gave us a common interest. No one's really sure how they feel about all of it, (except Jackilyn of course...who 'hates' him. *She's 17. ) What she hates is how he reminds her of who he isn't. We talked, shed some tears, and ultimately agreed that we don't want her to be alone forever. Then we let it go. How did I get Christmas spirit from that? I guess somehow I feel like her happiness and sanity during the holidays isn't only my responsibility anymore. She has someone to spend time with and have fun with. And now when we are together, the absence of my dad isn't so strong. That's not to say we ignore that he's gone, his absence just stands there instead of smacking me in the face.

I also got a new hair cut! After some encouragement from Heather (.."it's just hair! Do it!!") I decided to chop it off. I brought a picture of Katie Holmes to the salon and crossed my fingers. It's weird what a good haircut does for a woman. :)

I also went ice skating with a group of ABsolutely PHABulous girls!! Catherine has some great photos from this fun night posted. Heather planned the whole night before she found out she was pregnant, but sitting on the sidelines allowed her to take some great pics, too! I felt like a kid out on the ice and I don't think I've laughed that much in a while! We also created our own sorority that night. Alpha Beta Phabulosa! It's silly...but I can't wait for another great year with my new sorority sisters.

So I feel like 2007 has dug a nice little hole for me to stand in. I never allowed it to swallow me whole, but I always just felt 'stuck'. I'm seeing that hole get smaller and smaller and I'm excited to start a new year. Now...bring on the presents and eggnog!