Thursday, March 26, 2009

Run 7

8 min walk
4 min run
4 min walk
4 min run
10 min walk

Ouch. My calves hurt like a mother tonight. I am literally limping. I'm not sure if the running is catching up to me (haha) or I'm not stretching good enough before/after. It feels like someone's stabbing knives in them. Hopefully I can figure out what caused it and prevent this in the future...cause damn, my calves are mooin'. :(

One (or two) more run(s) on this week 2 goal and I'm ready to move on to week 3! I have a new running crew though, and that makes it even better! :)

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Run 6

I felt like I was a few inches from the edge today...I had visits and words of encouragement from friends, so that helped. Then tonight the Bells were going to the track with Mike. Enough is enough...get off the couch and out of this house. That thought turned into this...

Week 2 goal = met.

8 min walk
4 min run
4 min walk
4 min run
10 min walk

It hurt like hell but felt amazing at the same time. My sanity is slowly coming back. :) I'm going to continue this routine several more times this week then move on to my week 3 goal. This is part of an 8 week program...and I'm planning on getting one of these once I am halfway there and complete my week 4 goal.

Monday, March 23, 2009


It's not always runs and new experiences. It's not always an open future and new opportunities. Some's looking behind me and mourning.

I can't smile everyday. I can't think positively everyday. I don't feel good everyday and I'm not strong everyday. I'm only human.

Right this second...I can't smile. I can't think positively, I don't feel good or strong. Today...I just feel sad. Really...sad.

Tomorrow morning my feet will hit the floor and I can only hope for a better day.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Run 5

8 min walk
3 min run
3 min walk
3 min run
3 min walk
2 min run
8 min walk/pray I don't pass out....

How did that become so hard?? Maybe it was the heat. I was also running a total of 6 minutes before, and today went up to 8. I guess this isn't supposed to be easy. I always feel so great after though..(well..about 20 min. after). I learned a bit more about stretching today and I really need to make that part of my routine. Oh...and I found one of my 'power songs'. Killing in the name by Rage. It makes me angry and push through whatever hurts at the moment.

Today's plans are to go get a small grill and cook out with a few friends on the back deck. The new place is clean (pics soon) and I'm ready to just chill and eat and live here. I'll try to take some pics. This will be the first time I've ever operated or cooked off a grill on my it could get interesting!

Thursday, March 19, 2009

C'mon Tooth Fairy!

Chase told me this evening that all the kids in his class have been losing teeth lately. He looked so bummed, and asked me when he was going to get to lose a tooth. I checked around, but they all feel snug. I tried to encourage him that they would come out soon enough. It didn't seem to cheer him up much. Later he asked me for a piece of paper and a pencil...then asked me how to spell "haven't". I found this under his pillow tonight while he was in the tub...

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Run 4

10 min walk
10 min alternating walk/run at 2 min. intervals
10 min walk

Feeling stronger and pushing a little harder each time. Running does more for my mind right now than it does for my body, which is a good thing. Today was a rough day, but I felt tons better after leaving the track. Well...not tons, but better. :) The fact is...some days are just so much harder than others.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Run 3

Back to the pavement today...with the company of my bestie. This go around was much easier than last time, so I'm hoping I create a pattern with that. I'm gonna go one or two more times on this routine then it's time to 'step' (tehee) it up a notch!


10 min walk
10 min alternating walk/run at 2 min. intervals
10 min walk

I felt really good after! I also got a phone call on the way home about a part time job every other Saturday at the Country Kitchen in Barnesville. "S'more sweet tea there shugah??" It's just gonna be a lil extra spending money, but Chase will be at his dad's so I think it's gonna be a good thing. Come down and see me! I'm starting this Saturday!!

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Run 2

Is running 6 out of 30 minutes really considered a "run"? Maybe I need a new title for these....

So I a had run planned for this morning, but woke up to more rain. I was feeling energized and ready to go so I was kinda bummed about the weather. Around that time I was reminded.."It's not's just rain". That was all I needed.

Several layers later I was at the track. My ipod was fully charged this time and it really does make a ton of difference. I can probably make every song lyric apply to my life in some way, but it seemed like my ipod was talking to me this morning.

The bad news is the track here in Milner is kinda old, so there were parts that were completely flooded with water. I walked around them for the first 10 minutes. The second walk/run 10 minutes were another story. I stopped worrying about the water and just ran. Within seconds my feet were soaked up to my knees. I also got hot pretty quickly, so several layers had to come off.

The good news?? I did it. I met this week's goal on day 2. During my middle 10 I ran for 6 minutes and walked for 4 (alternating every two minutes). I was surprised how quickly 2 minutes went by. While I am proud of myself for being able to do it, I'm not moving to goal 2 yet. I'm going to stick with the same routine the rest of the week with the new goal being for it to be a lil easier to do. It was rough. It doesn't seem like a lot of running, but it was for me. By the 3rd round of running I was hurting. I really do think the rain helped though. It made me feel free and energized.

If you don't want to run, just go out and jump in a big ol' rain puddle. You'll see what I mean. :)

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Run 1 we go. I'm in the new place and I'm surrounded by a new quiet that I'm starting to get used to. I still feel that itch..."find something to do, find a distraction, what's next??" But I scratch it a hell of a lot less often than I used to and that's a good thing. What it leaves me with is a lot of down time. I've used this time to chill and get things settled and most importantly bond with Chase. I found myself exhausted after week 1 of being a single parent again. I've also found that I am totally ok with the aloneness that this new place brings. It's a really good :)

So with down time comes the need for a "hobby". My old hobbies were umm...not so healthy to say the least, so I've been in the market for a few new ones. Knitting?? nah. Scrapbooking? blegh. Reading? Well this one is good, and would just be an extension to an already good/healthy hobby I have in my love for books. This old hobby, and the inspiration from a friend, both lead me to a book called The Complete Book of Women's Running. In the past week I've torn into this book. It's an easy read and it answers so many questions that are common to people who have no idea where the hell to start when it comes to putting their feet to the pavement and just doing it.

I'm certainly starting as a beginner. I'm following the book as close as I can, and I've set a goal for myself. It's part of an 8 week plan...

Week 1 - 30 minutes
10 min. walk
10 min. walk/run - alternating 2 min. walk/2 min. run
10 min. walk

Tonight was my first night. I was very surprised! For feet hurt like HELL. I have good running shoes that are made for the type of runner I am (learned that in the book too), but damn. Running hurts my feet. I also realized that I have GOT to stop smoking if I'm going to take this seriously. My chest was a combination of coldness and fire with every deep inhale of oxygen. Not a good feeling. Lastly, I did better than I thought I would! I didn't bring a watch, and my ipod was dead, but I had two friends beside me to cheer me on as I ran two laps around the small track here in our town. I did (roughly) the 10 min. warm up and cool down with a short run in between. I'm thinking it was about 3 minutes of non stop running but it wasn't timed and I didn't alternate it with walking for that middle 10 minute block. It was still a success though! Now, thanks to those two friends, I have a stop watch that I'm going to start using to make sure I meet my weekly goal(s). My ipod is charging now and I'm ready for another trip to the track tomorrow. It's only day 1...and I have a LONG way to go, but I'm ready. I felt powerful and healthy and motivated tonight. I hope it stays. I'm going to try to use my blog as a journal of how everything goes, but I'll post other life updates as well. Here goes nothing!

Monday, March 2, 2009

Looking Forward...

What a crazy few weeks I've had. Too many changes that have left my head spinning a bit. I moved into my new place this weekend. A super cute 2 bedroom 2 bath apartment that feels like a little house. Patrick and Marlena are my new neighbors and I am SO thankful to have them so close! There are times when the sadness feels overwhelming, but other times the new opportunities have me feeling a little excited. I had some help this weekend from some awesome friends. I've made several 'mistakes' in the past few weeks, and probably could have done a few things differently, but the people who mean the most to me and love me unconditionally have really shown their faces lately. I am thankful for that. I have had my eyes opened people who are not healthy for me to have in my life, to people who have always been there and created deeper roots, to awesome new friends who remind me to breathe and help put things into perspective. To put things bluntly, I am finding myself all over again...or..for the first time. It's an interesting journey, but it's a good thing.

I want to post pics of the new crib...but for now I have snow pics! Among the moving and unpacking we got some hellah snow this weekend! It was beautiful and peaceful and actually helped my sanity this weekend! Here are a few pics...thank you Patrick for coming over for a snowball fight with Chase!

This is definitely a soul searching experience, and I'm working on loving myself. Chase is taking things really well. He's excited about the new place and he's seemed to let go of Wes easily. Part of me thinks that he's super mature and taking things well, another part of me thinks that his idea of 'commitment' is so skewed that I'm going to have some work to do down the road. Both of these are probably true...but we've really bonded this weekend and I'm thankful for that.

This past month has found me loved and lost, strong and weak, broken down and tall...but I'm looking forward. I see future nights of tears and laughs and new experiences. I am learning how to be alone and how to be ok with being alone. I'm learning how to listen to myself and really search for what I want and what I need and what's best for Chase and I. Here's to not only a new chapter, but a whole new book. I want to find the inspiration in myself that other people see, and find a new normal.

I am going to take a few pics of the new place, and post them soon. :) Here's to a new Jess.