I am writing this post for several reasons...
1. I need to vent. I get some out when I talk to my husband; some when I talk to Heather. I end up feeling a bit better, but still holding back because I don't want to complain to them every time they talk to me. But I really just need to get the bad out and focus on the good.
2. I want to be able to look back at this post and say..."See, I knew I was right!"
And so...I vent.
"Once upon a time there was a girl who was pretending to be a 'grown up'. She put in her almost four years of papers, projects, and hoop jumping. She was ready. She walked into the classroom with her shoulders back and a smile on her face. Deep down she knew she would probably feel more comfortable in one of the student's desks than at the podium, but nevertheless she stayed confident. This was her time to shine. Her time to turn her theories into practice and to prove to herself that all of that work was worth it! She sat down with her color coded tabbed notebook, her papers agonizingly organized, and to do list handy. This...is where her nightmare began.
Ok. So nightmare is a little dramatic. But after the first few minutes of being in the classroom she knew that everything she'd work hard to learn in the past years was out the window. Lesson plans, organization, structure, schedules. All gone. She remained positive and the smile stayed. She chalked it up to 'different teaching styles'. 'A learning experience'. 'Ying and yang?'...hell something had to help it all make sense.
Side note: (She is on day FOUR of around 70 at the time of this post.)
She struggles with her naivity and reality. She constantly questions the comments of her 'peers'. She finds herself thinking more often than she'd like; "Did that REALLY just happen?"
All details aside, that's her story so far. What I have realized from this story is that my philosophy of education is even more important to me now than ever. I firmly believe that not only is every child capable of learning, but every child should be given the opportunity to learn. And not only is that cliche true, but it's my direct responsibility to be the facilitator of that knowledge. Not to just put it on a plate and serve it to them, but to actually spoon feed every single bite to make sure each student is getting what they need. The saying 'that kid just doesn't get it' does not apply to me. My experiences in the past few days have helped me realize that not only is this what I'm supposed to be doing; I'm actually going to be good at it. And that gives me hope. I'm going to continue to try to make this a good experience, but it's getting harder by the day. It's my last hoop. I didn't come this far to fall now. Lord, help me get through these next few months....