I've been struggling with keeping up with a blog. I keep thinking that the events that happen in my life aren't really exciting enough to 'share' with other readers, and that no one reads this except me anyway. Until today. I was on the phone with a friend and we were talking about someone she knew who had died. I mentioned that so many people are dying lately, and Chase suddenly said..."like Pop Pop, too." He never brings that up on his own, so I decided to pick up where he started and asked Chase what else he remembers about Pop Pop. I think this is the best way to help Chase remember my daddy, and keep him alive in our memories. We went back and forth, almost like a game....
Me: "I remember when we used to play Memory with Pop Pop in the hospital.."
Chase: "I remember Pop Pop got me that motorcycle with my name on it!"
Me: "I remember when me and Pop Pop danced at my wedding."
Chase: "I remember Pop Pop used to ride me around in his wheelchair, and I remember before he was in his wheelchair, and he was walking around in the living room and stuff..."
Me: "I remember Pop Pop giving you all the nicknames you still have today."
We talked for a while, and just when I thought we were done...Chase says..
"I remember that Pop Pop is in heaven."
He had such a sweet smile on his face when he said it.
"Mama, do you know where heaven is?"
"Where is heaven, Chase?"
and he pointed up to the sky and waved at Pop Pop...so I waved too.
It was a conversation that left me sad, happy, proud....so many things. I immediately said to myself 'Don't ever forget that conversation, remember what Chase said and how sweet he smiled when he talked about his Pop Pop.' And suddenly I knew what this blog was going to be for me. For some people it's a way to keep in touch and share their lives with other people, and I'm sure it will still be that for me. But I also want to use this blog as a way to put my memories into words, so I can go back years from now and remember the things that might fade over time...