A letter to my son...

Dear Chase,

Something about this week has drawn me to tell you so many things. I could say these things to you now, but I want to get them in print so I can remember every detail. Part of me also knows that you will look at me while I'm talking, smile, and ask..."Can I go play now?"

This has been such an awesome week. I have loved being home with you during your Christmas break. I love how you are my best friend. How we stay in our pj's way too long, stay up way too late, and sleep in hours passed our normal wake up time. Our conversations amaze me sometimes. It's during them when I'm reminded of how 'grown up' you are. I love hearing your theories behind why things happen and I absolutely adore how genuine you are. I have also learned to accept your social shyness as part of your personality, and I love you for it. I love that you still hug and kiss me no matter what, and I'm so nervous for the day when I get "Mommm, stop it!"

I love how your eyebrows raise when you are talking about something you like, or have a good idea. You are so smart and so sweet and sometimes I think my pride for you is going to explode out of me. I love the your little 5 year old lisp that happens when you say certain words. And your laugh...your laugh can make me smile even on my worst days. While I don't see myself in you physically, I see my sensitivity and dance moves in you daily. I love how music makes you move and how we sing songs in the car together (but only when it's me and you!). I love sneaking into your room after you fall asleep and putting my face as close to yours as possible, rubbing our noses together and kissing you goodnight one last time. Some days I can't wait to see the person you are going to be at 10...15...25. Other days I just want to stop time and keep my baby in my arms.

I hate how everything seems to fly by during 'real life'. School and homework and running around and before you know it months have passed by. It's been so nice to slow down this week. I am so proud of you and I am so happy that we've been able to spend our Christmas break together.

I love you,
Mommy

Santa's off to a good start!

I got a great present for Christmas this year! A new Nikon D40! I got it a few days early so I could capture all the great Christmas moments over the next few days. I LOVE it. I'm trying to read the manual and really get to know the settings so this camera really lives up to it's potential. (and it's price tag!)

In other recent news, I found some Christmas spirit! Several different things contributed to my new attitude. First of all...my mother started dating! Gasp!! Now I'll be the first person to say that the idea of her and another man 'hanging out' is just plain weird. But, it did give us kids something to rally together for. We sort of got used to avoiding each other's lives, so the hot new couple in town gave us a common interest. No one's really sure how they feel about all of it, (except Jackilyn of course...who 'hates' him. *She's 17. ) What she hates is how he reminds her of who he isn't. We talked, shed some tears, and ultimately agreed that we don't want her to be alone forever. Then we let it go. How did I get Christmas spirit from that? I guess somehow I feel like her happiness and sanity during the holidays isn't only my responsibility anymore. She has someone to spend time with and have fun with. And now when we are together, the absence of my dad isn't so strong. That's not to say we ignore that he's gone, his absence just stands there instead of smacking me in the face.

I also got a new hair cut! After some encouragement from Heather (.."it's just hair! Do it!!") I decided to chop it off. I brought a picture of Katie Holmes to the salon and crossed my fingers. It's weird what a good haircut does for a woman. :)

I also went ice skating with a group of ABsolutely PHABulous girls!! Catherine has some great photos from this fun night posted. Heather planned the whole night before she found out she was pregnant, but sitting on the sidelines allowed her to take some great pics, too! I felt like a kid out on the ice and I don't think I've laughed that much in a while! We also created our own sorority that night. Alpha Beta Phabulosa! It's silly...but I can't wait for another great year with my new sorority sisters.

So I feel like 2007 has dug a nice little hole for me to stand in. I never allowed it to swallow me whole, but I always just felt 'stuck'. I'm seeing that hole get smaller and smaller and I'm excited to start a new year. Now...bring on the presents and eggnog!

Pooped??

During Thanksgiving break last week Chase was a busy boy! He spent the night with his cousins Wednesday night, then with his Grandma Thursday night, THEN had a day of fun Friday with his dad. When I picked him up he was obviously exhausted. I look in the rear view at him nodding off....

Me (in my best mommy voice): "Poor baby...I bet you are pooped, huh??"

Chase (so nonchalantly): "No....I think it's just gas."

The mind of a five year old makes me smile. :)

Bah Humbug...

Thanksgiving is gone as quickly as it came, and I thankful for that. Yes, I am thankful for a ton of other things, and I really tried to focus on them during the past week. We had a pretty good couple of days I guess. I had my first (and probably my last) Black Friday experience, and I feel good that most of Chase's Christmas shopping is done. Tomorrow we're back to the real world. Chase is back to school, Wes goes back to work, and I go back to homework. I pulled down a few boxes of decorations yesterday, but this year the thought of going to get a tree, find a place for it, decorate it....it all just seems tiresome. I used to be so excited for this time of year. I remember my dad 'picking' his tree from the road. He would start around Halloween, and every time we drove by the tree farm he would say.."There it is...third row from the pole...that's the one." We all knew that they all looked the same from the road, and that the one we eventually picked would be no where near the pole, but it was his tradition. It's funny how things can seem so trivial at the time, but once they are gone seem like gold. This year things are just all over the place. None of us really know how to have a holiday with one of us missing, so we're just pushing further and further away from each other in an effort to find a new normal. What I'm trying to remember is that Chase is 5-and he is excited about Santa coming. He points out any Christmas lights he finds and was so excited when we started pulling out decorations yesterday. He is ready to get a tree and get this holiday going! So next weekend we're going to get our tree and I'm going to put a smile on my face while I decorate it. Hopefully my dad will lead us in the right direction to that 'perfect tree' he always finds...

Forgiveness

Ephesians 4:32 “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

Colossians 3:13 “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

Matthew 6:14-15 “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

I have been hurt by someone very close to me. More than that person realizes, I'm sure. Family is forever, so I will forgive. It's the 'forgetting' that I have the hardest time with. Recently I've realized that if I don't forget, I'm not sure I've really been able to forgive. The Bible says that God does not "remember" our wickedness (Hebrews 8:12). God is all-knowing. God knows what occurred. However, having forgiven us, He treats us as if the sin had not occurred.

I need to find the strength to forgive and forget. I believe that God forgives my sins, so I need to remember that He will forgive her too. I need to learn how to not 'dwell' on sins, but to fill my mind with my blessings. I will forever be a work in progress....

Happy Anniversary!!

Today is our one year anniversary! This is probably our last 'first' so we made it a weekend event. Saturday starting off a little shaky with family drama, but then the real fun began! Saturday night was Wes' surprise for me. Dinner at Fogo De Chao! Neither of us have been there but we've both heard really good things about it. Heather knew where we were going and prepared me on what to wear and not to eat all day! Wes made reservations for 7:30 and I was so excited and very surprised when we pulled up! The salad bar was amazing-They had the best cheeses, asparagus, and prosciutto I've ever eaten. Then, it was time for the main courses. We had coasters that were red on one side and green on the other. If your coaster was on green, that meant keep 'em coming! We ate filet mignon, lamb chops, chicken wrapped in bacon, homemade sausage, and sirloin. They also served fried bananas and fried polenta. The polenta was SO good. Then, of course, because we weren't glutinous enough (hey..you only have a one year anniversary once!) we ordered a chocolate molten lava cake. We left so stuffed but so happy. It was a great dinner. After dinner we stopped by Rachel B's birthday party at Lot One. It was pretty obvious I hadn't been out in a while! Wes was pretty sleepy but we ended up staying pretty late and had a really good time!

Chase spent the night at Summer's for the first time Saturday night. He did really good! He said he had a good time and he's already lined up to spend the night again the night before Thanksgiving. I think we're going to try to make a tradition for the boys to all spend the night together on Thanksgiving Eve. I was proud of him for being such a big boy. :)

Today was my surprise for Wes. After sleeping in VERY late I put Wes in the car and blindfolded him so he couldn't see where we were going. After taking the long way we ended up at the Pavillion in Griffin, the place where we got married last year. I had a basket with our thawed out wedding cake, a cd player, and our favorite Diet Mt. Dew. We had to park and walk b/c the gate was locked, but it was the perfect end to our weekend. The lake was so low, but other than that nothing changed out there. I put in our wedding cd and we danced in the same spot we were in exactly one year before. When we were dancing I closed my eyes and I could see every detail from our wedding. The fire, the beautiful weather, the white lights and all of our friends and family. I saw my smiling dad sitting in his wheelchair under the heaters we rented, and all of our friends in a big circle around us. It's a memory that I thought had faded, but came back so clear it brought tears to my eyes. After we danced we ate our cake (it was surprisingly really good still!) and put one notch on one of the wooden columns. Hopefully we can start a tradition.

I am anxious about, but looking forward to the holidays coming up. Our anniversary was certainly a great way to start things off! Chase is home with me all week for Thanksgiving break. It's going to be nice to sleep in and hang out together in our pj's. Thursday will be lunch at Summer's, and dinner at my mom's. Between Fogo De Chao's, and my favorite holiday foods, it's going to be time for a serious diet soon!!

Remembering...

I've been struggling with keeping up with a blog. I keep thinking that the events that happen in my life aren't really exciting enough to 'share' with other readers, and that no one reads this except me anyway. Until today. I was on the phone with a friend and we were talking about someone she knew who had died. I mentioned that so many people are dying lately, and Chase suddenly said..."like Pop Pop, too." He never brings that up on his own, so I decided to pick up where he started and asked Chase what else he remembers about Pop Pop. I think this is the best way to help Chase remember my daddy, and keep him alive in our memories. We went back and forth, almost like a game....

Me: "I remember when we used to play Memory with Pop Pop in the hospital.."
Chase: "I remember Pop Pop got me that motorcycle with my name on it!"
Me: "I remember when me and Pop Pop danced at my wedding."
Chase: "I remember Pop Pop used to ride me around in his wheelchair, and I remember before he was in his wheelchair, and he was walking around in the living room and stuff..."
Me: "I remember Pop Pop giving you all the nicknames you still have today."

We talked for a while, and just when I thought we were done...Chase says..

"I remember that Pop Pop is in heaven."

He had such a sweet smile on his face when he said it.

"Mama, do you know where heaven is?"

"Where is heaven, Chase?"

and he pointed up to the sky and waved at Pop Pop...so I waved too.

It was a conversation that left me sad, happy, proud....so many things. I immediately said to myself 'Don't ever forget that conversation, remember what Chase said and how sweet he smiled when he talked about his Pop Pop.' And suddenly I knew what this blog was going to be for me. For some people it's a way to keep in touch and share their lives with other people, and I'm sure it will still be that for me. But I also want to use this blog as a way to put my memories into words, so I can go back years from now and remember the things that might fade over time...

It's FanTAGstic!!

I've been tagged!! Although I'm pretty sure the only person who will read this is the person who tagged me, I'm going to play along anyway!! Drumroll pleaasee.....

Jobs I've held:

Cashier at Giant Mart
Bank Teller
Waitress/Bartender
CSR @ a lending company
Billing clerk at Bennett Motor Express
Full-time student (yes...it's a job!)
Hopefully a teacher in a few months!!


Places I've lived:

Philadelphia, Penn.
Christmas, Florida
Zebulon, Georgia
Griffin, Georgia
Milner, Georgia


Foods I love:

I could be here all day! Let me try to narrow this down...

Pasta
Chinese
Bagels
Cereal
(so yeah...carbs, carbs, and um...more carbs)
Pretty much anything buffalo'ed
Peanut butter & jelly sammies
Condiments-aLOT of them...

Places I would rather be:

Camping in the mountains
In my first classroom
At a Worthan party with ALL of my friends and our kids!
On a beach

Movies I love:

The Notebook
Adventures in Babysitting
The Sword and the Stone
LOTR-all of them...
Harry Potter-all of them...
Any romantic comedy-no horror movies b/c I'm a wuss...
A movie I haven't seen yet, in a theater, with all my buds, bugging them to death about what happens next...

TV shows I watch:

Too Many!!
Ok...I could watch the Food Network, Bravo, TLC, or Lifetime all day, and sometimes do.
I miss Friends, Sex and the City, and The O.C.

Currently, I'm hooked on Heroes, The Biggest Loser (even though it makes me feel like CRAP), Chuck, Private Practice, Grey's Anatomy, America's Next Top Model, Gossip Girl (that one's starting to become less of a priority though...), Survivor, The Hills, Rachael Ray, Oprah, and of course, 30 Minute Meals.

I just realized that is over 10 hours of television. I'm a loser.

Tag you are it:

Umm...yeah. If you are reading this, and you haven't been tagged, then you're it!!

(I have no new pics to share because I broke my camera :( )

(RED)

So I was doing some research online....*ahem*

o.k. o.k. I was watching Rachael Ray, and she talked about how Hallmark was working together with the RED campaign. There are a ton of products that you can buy to help donate towards the fight against AIDS in Africa, and now you can add Hallmark greeting cards to that list! 8% of Hallmark (PRODUCT) RED net wholesale sales will go to the Global Fund! I looked for a while but unfortunately I cannot find a way for my lazy butt to order a box of these beautiful cards online. I did browse through the different designs they have and I'll be stopping by a Hallmark store soon!! Not only is this a great way to reach people across the globe, I'm telling you these cards are so beautifully designed I can't pick just one! Christmas will be here before you know it guys! Check out the cards here, go grab a box or two, and get inspi(red)!!

She's Baaaaaaaack....

Miss me?? It's been a crazy few months... I could blame it all on school, and a lot of my time has gone to Mercer, but not enough I'm afraid. I've had several distractions....

*My grandfather passed away in September, so my brother and I caught a VERY early flight to Philly where my sister and mom already were. It seemed so similar to the situations surrounding my dad's funeral in Feb., yet obviously so different. My Pop Pop was always so much fun-we'd go up to Philly once a year to visit and he's been to Georgia a few times. He did, after all, invent the 'blooper' (which has now been stolen by society and turned into 'raspberries'). The funeral brought on strange feelings. I will miss my Pop Pop a lot, and I am sad that he's gone, but the sadness I had for my mom and her 6 siblings took over my other emotions. I knew exactly what they were feeling. In a weird way I think it even brought my mom and I closer, like we subconsciously had a better sense of what the other one had gone through. We were both part of the "we lost our dads" club. It's in times that like that I'm extra thankful for my faith in God, because sometimes I just run out of strength....

*Also-a much happier event occurred: Patrick and Marlena got married at the beach! We had weekends filled with bridal showers, lingerie showers, batchelorette parties, and a long wonderful weekend at the beach! We had a really good time! Chase played in the ocean and danced like a fool at the wedding (yeah...mama did too!). Despite a small scare of wet weather, the ceremony really was beautiful! I'm going to attach some pictures from the weekend to the bottom of this post...

*I got pink eye :( I stayed behind closed doors for a week. ugh..

In between my distractions...I did manage to put in about 30 hours at Beaverbrook so far (where I taught my first lesson!) and finish up two more classes at night. I still have a long way to go at Beaverbrook, but I should be done around the middle of November. See...the idea was to make a post talking about how busy I have been doing school work. So busy I can't even blog! But the more I think about it, the more I realize that I am still so behind with school. Which is so unlike me! I am a planner! A Post It girl! Mrs. Organization!! BUT...not with school work. I still have 6 more lessons and a Unit to write! It's odd. Here are some of the things I realize I've done to keep myself busy in the past 6 weeks instead of doing school work.

1. See asterisks above (ok...so not all of those I could help).
2. I painted my kitchen.
3. I rearranged every pot, casserole dish, and utensil in my kitchen.
4. Spray painted my kitchen table.
5. Reorganized all of my school documents (lesson plans, handouts) in my file folders.
6. I did attend a SPAGE seminar on Saturday? Does that count??
7. Ate lunch with my mom a few times.
8. Went to Heather's house and played with Charlie!
9. Mindlessly surfed on MySpace waaaay too much.
10. Slept. A lot.

So. Why did I do all of this stuff when I should have been home writing lesson plans? Because that's what I know I'm good at. I'm a good painter...I'm good at hanging with friends and family. I'm a great organizer. So I felt "busy"(aka, not guilty), but I wasn't focused on school because I don't feel confident enough in what I'm doing. I have all of this factual information about curriculum, kids, learning styles...etc. I just have to get it to connect with my actions when I'm in a classroom. I guess it's a work in progess. But it's FALL now! Fairs and pumpkins and beautiful weather! I LOVE this time of year. The air is so thin and clean. So my short term goal is to find a balance in school work and having an actual life. OH, and to update my blog more often! :)

Happy Birthday Wes!!

Today is Wes' 29th birthday! Unfortunately he had to work~but lucky for me I didn't! I took advantage of the situation and threw a tiny little party for him. I 'slaved' over the stove cooking his favorite gourmet meal; chicken tenders, yellow rice, green beans, and crescent rolls! (..My sweet...simple minded husband!) Well...I can't take credit for the green beans, his mom brought those. We ended up having a really nice time though! My mom was planning on coming but she's out of town at a conference for work. Wes' parents and sister were there and Heather came by too! Poor Adam had to stay and work on the cabin so he missed out on some good food! Chase also got to play with Summer's kids so we had a full house for a while! After school Chase helped me put some streamers and balloons up so the kitchen and dining room looked pretty good. We topped the night off with cake and ice cream. It was low key, but perfect. :)

Tomorrow I am taking baby steps back to the real world. :( I have to go to a substitute teacher orientation at the elementary school. Hopefully I'll find out how everything works and I'll be able to work a few days next week. Maybe I'll get lucky and run into a familiar face...

Here are some pics from the birthday dinner! Thanks to everyone that came!!

Maybe Chase and I should start our own cake decorating business??

The Addisons!

Chase and the boys being silly!


My Sweet Birthday Boy!!

I hope you enjoyed your birthday Baby!! Next year is the big "3- *ahem*...well...Happy 29th Birthday!!!

And so it begins...

My new blog that is!! I'm sure you all understand us newbies don't know what we're doing-so give me a bit before it's fabulous! I am here to share the love (and funny stories!) of my family, my friends, and my sometimes crazy life.

First a little background. Wes and I got married on November 18, 2006. We have an amazing 5 year old son named Chase who just started Kindergarten last week! *sniff* We have a low key life, which I love, and friends that are amazing. We also have family as close as next door and as far away as Pennsylvania. I am hoping this blog can help us keep our Philly family updated!

In recent news, I am currently unemployed! AHHH! The thought excites me and scares the crap out of me all at the same time. For the past three years I have worked for the same transportation company my husband works for. He is a systems administrator and I worked in billing. During those three years I also went to school two nights a week at a Mercer University regional center that was minutes away from work. As of Friday, I am now just a full time student. Early Childhood Education requires fieldwork, student teaching, and a lot of TIME that simply could not be juggled with a full time job....

...but let's be honest. I hated my job! I sat in front of a computer all day punching in numbers and had absolutely NO passion for it. The sad part about leaving is simply the change. That place has seen my separation, my son's broken bones, holidays, my Wes and our marriage, too many tears and so many laughs. It brought me Katie, Maggie, Heather C., and my husband! When I drove away Friday, I felt like I was leaving an old friend. An old friend who's been a pain in my ass for years, but has still been a huge part of my life.

So...a new journey in my life, and a new blog to record it along the way. This next year I am going to be absorbed in school work, and hopefully substitute teaching in between for extra experience and a little bit of extra money. I will celebrate my first wedding anniversary, and my first holidays without my dad here. I will graduate from college and I will smile from deep down in my soul when my Heatherbean has her Fekadu home! Throughout it all-'celebrate we will'...

..oh...and BLOG we will!! It's already my new favorite hobby!!